So sometimes I feel like I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I have some very close friends, but there are certain topics we just don’t talk about. Some people I feel like I could talk about anything with, without being judged or hitting a sensitive topic, but they seem uninterested and don’t really talk with me. Kinda like I’m talking to a wall. I don’t blame anyone, I’m the same way sometimes. But it doesn’t feel like there’s any single person I can always talk to about anything and everything.

Sometimes I feel like there is one person, but we rarely have conversations anymore. Usually it’s just a couple quick texts back and forth to remind each other that we do care. And we do.. there’s just no time to talk anymore, really.

I feel like my best friends are growing up and I’m not. I had a dream I went to college last night, and it was this amazing dream where we had adventures and had to rescue people and kill some bad guy. I know college isn’t like that, and it’s boring and many of the classes are useless, but it wasn’t about college. It was about how everyone I know has a decent education. How everyone I know can get jobs, and hold them.. How it seems like everyone I know has a plan, even if it’s not a perfect plan, they have something. And I have nothing that will be of any use in the real world. They’re all getting older and even if they don’t act like stern adults, they still know how to be mature and responsible when it’s necessary, they’re learning how to live on their own. It feels like I’m never going to have that, I’m never going to know what I’m doing or need to be doing as someone that isn’t a stupid teenager being supported by their parents.

I feel like I’ve grown up so worthless and stupid. I’m so tired of everything. I just wish everything was different, even a little normal. I could cope if it had been just a little more normal.